"No..that’s not what I want at all. Cause I know as soon as I let you walk out that door I’ll never see you again and I can’t lose you again…" All Scout wanted to do right in that moment was lean over the table and just kiss Peter. Maybe that would let him see how much it would hurt if he lost him again. It could very well kill him. But all he did was lean forward a little. "My mother use to say that if you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were…" He paused for a second and just watched Peter. The way he breathed, the way his lip would twitch slightly before he’d lick them. It was the little things about him that made him fall in love with him in the first place.
After a little bit he looked down at the table. “You came back to me…and I’m willing to wait for how ever long I have to for this to become and us again..or for us to just stay friends…I just need something…I need you in some way..” He bit down at his lip, keeping his gaze fixed on the table.
Peter took in a deep breath. “Scout, that’s.. you found me. I didn’t come back. There’s a difference. I think.. I think you’e already lost me, I’m sorry.” Peter knew that Scout loved him, and he was pretty sure he may still have feelings for Scout, ones that he never rally got over, but god, he had no idea what was going on. Things were so different now. He’d changed. A lot.
"I’ll.. I’ll stay at your house for the weekend then. Or.. Or something. I don’t know. I’ll be your friend Scout, but I don’t know about anything else."
Scout jumped slightly when Peter snapped and started berating him. “I tired moving on. After you left I decided to give Dodger another shot. And that didn’t work out. All I could ever think of was you. I even fooled myself into thinking that I was over you when I got married. Turns out I wasn’t and now the Jamie pretty much hates me because I pretty much tricked him into naming him Peter. Sure it’s also his father name but he knows now that I didn’t pick it because of that reason. ” He did his best to keep his voice down and not draw attention to them. “I care because no matter how hard I try I still love you. I’m always going to love you. I’m always going to want to be with you. I care because you don’t know how much it hurt not knowing what happened to you after you left. You could have been dead for all I knew. I care because you’re my sunshine and you always will be. ” He paused for a second, looking down at the table. “I could never hate you. No matter what you’ve done to me in the past. Hell you could pull out a knife and stab me right now and I wouldn’t hate you.”
Peter went quiet and looked down at his feet. “Scout, I.. I just,” he went silent and looked down at his hands. He didn’t know what was going on. He was so confused. Embarrassed. Terrified. Maybe could lie about this? “Um,” he said quietly before clearing his throat. “Scout, I…. I’m..” What? I’m dating someone? I have a girlfriend? I’m just not sure this is the best thing? There were so many things he wanted to say because mainly he was terrified about all of this. He licked his lips and took in a deep breath.
"I don’t know if I can ever date anyone, or.. or anything like that, Scout. Things are really hard for me. Things have changed and.. I just." He closed his eyes and shook his head lightly. "Maybe you and I should… stop. I.. Maybe this is an awful idea. I’m sorry. I never… I shouldn’t.. I’ll stay away from you, if you want me to." He was the reason Scout had lost his marriage and… it was just.. insane.
Scout was about to tell Peter that he didn’t have to answer the question but as soon as he opened his mouth to answer. Maybe a year? The answer made him cringe. He couldn’t see how anyone would want to subject themselves to that kind of life. He began to feel a little sick to his stomach as Peter talked about things getting bad but they weren’t all that awful. After a few seconds of sadly watching Peter he cleared his throat, keeping his gaze focused on him. “You can have a family with out ‘growing up’. You know that right? It’s not necessarily have children or getting married. All a family is is having people around that care about you. And you’ve got that…” He reached out, touching Peter’s hand. It was only there for a few seconds before he removed it.
"I just wish you’d see it." He added with a small sad smile.
"Of course, Scout. I knew that. I still have friends and stuff like that. Since I haven’t heard from any of my old friends, I made new ones. People care about me, I know that," he was blatantly lying and pulling things out of his ass now, but he just wanted to avoid the conversation. Scout had touched his hand and it just made him snap.
"Scout, why do you care? Honestly? I hurt you. I cheated on you with Dodger, your ex of all people, and then I left. Broke our engagement off and everything. Why the hell do you still care? You should hate me by now. I don’t understand you.”
Scout just sat there in silence as Peter spoke. He wasn’t even sure what to say at this point. It seemed like everything he was saying was only making the situation worse. So all he was going to do right now was listen. He looked a little shocked when Peter admitted to sleeping on park benches. It also hurt him to hear that. “Peter…” He said lowly, looking over up at him. He wanted to reach out for him but decided against it. “..how long have you been homeless?” He wasn’t sure if him asking this would piss Peter off or not. He also wasn’t even sure if he’d actually answer it.
Peter just went quiet as Scout asked him how long this had been going on. He honestly had no clue. He stammered a bit and lowered his head. This was degrading. The red head ran his hands through his hair, gripping at some pieces of it to untangle. “I.. don’t know. Maybe a year? I was okay in LA for a bit and then things… got bad, I guess. It works, though. It’s not all that awful. Plus having a home and a family? Not really for me. No offense. I’m not that sorta guy, you know?”
"Ew, Peter stop talking." Scout said making a fake gagging sound, covering his ears for a moment. He was teasing, sort of. It still stung that Peter had cheated on him with one of their teachers. It didn’t matter if they weren’t together. "To be honest I’m not at all surprised that you don’t remember it. Not everyone is going to remember most of the crazy shit they’ve done. It’s impossible." He kept quite when Peter rebutted him calling his lifestyle dramatic. From the way Peter looked it didn’t really seem as fun and easygoing as he was claiming it to be.
He nodded when he was asked about it having a bed. “Um, sort of. It’s more of a rebutted. Jamie left it when he left and it seemed like a waste if I just tossed it or something so I stuffed it into the spare room.” He started playing with the edge of the table, tracing some of the words that people had carved into the side of it for some reason or another. “You wont be a burden…but I’m not going to push the offer on you…if you wanna stay you can if you don’t then you don’t have to.” He looked up from the table for a second before looking away again. “Just know the offer is there..” He stopped almost mid-sentence, feeling a little bad for what he said. “…I didn’t mean it like that. I can handle it if it’s coming from you…I just don’t think I can handle it from my son. God I should just stop talking.” He mumbled the last part to himself.
Peter felt even more frustrated. He had a great memory of everything he’d ever done. Why was it suddenly failing on him? He took in a sharp breath and closed his eyes. “Fuck, fuck, Scout. You’re….. making me confused. I think even the thought of you being here is wigging me out.” Things were so confusing, but he was being offered a place to stay. It was such a weird situation. “I… fine. Is it okay? I.. I just..” He looked down at his hands and closed his eyes.
"If you want me gone, I’ll leave. I just… I’m sort of exhausted from sleeping on a park bench for the past two weeks." He paused and then made a frustrated noise. He wasn’t planning on saying anything, honestly and then it just slipped out. Why was he so stupid? "Not.. I.. Fuck.”
"The man had one hand! That alone was just disturbing." Scout said making a slight face. "I’m not making the second part up. I swear you told me about it when I got to the school. It happened before me or something I don’t exactly remember." He stopped for a second, eating another fry. "I didn’t say that it was a crime or anything…I just don’t think I could deal with all of the drama and crap that comes with that type of life style….y’know?"
He looked away for a second as Peter talked about only playing music to get money for things and a place to stay. He didn’t know exactly what stuff he was referring to but he had an idea. He wasn’t about to ask about it right now though. “I know you’ll probably turn this down but I’ve got an extra room free at my apartment…if you ever wanted to crash there or something..”
"Okay, even for one hand, the guy knew how to use it. It was fun. I mean, sex is nice. Age is only really a number anyhow," he commented with a nonchalant shrug. As Scout talked more about this jumping ordeal, he realized his mind was completely blank. "Oh man, I honestly don’t remember any of that. Crazy." Peter shrugged and then finished up his burger before closing his eyes happily. "I don’t think my life is dramatic. It’s fun and easygoing."
Peter looked up from his drink as Scout offered him a place to stay. He had stayed with strangers here and there, or people he had sex with sometimes, but this was a friend. An ex offering him a place. He just stared silently before clearing his throat. “I… maybe,” he said softly, only to take in a deep breath. “I don’t want… I just… Do you have like.. an actual bed?” It’d been about two weeks since he’d actually slept on a real bed. It’d be comfortable.
"I don’t want to be a burden." He paused, realizing how completely mature he sounded and cringed. "I mean, my life style is ‘dramatic’ so I don’t think you want to be around me anyhow."
Scout wrinkles his nose, smiling at Peter’s words. “Let’s hope he doesn’t have as fun of a time as you did or do. I don’t need him sleeping with one of his teachers or try to fly by jumping from a window.” He laughed lowly as he reached for his fish sandwich, taking a few bites. He hoped that what he had just said wouldn’t upset Peter or anything. He was just teasing. That’s what friends did, right? “I’d like to keep the emergency room visits to a minimum.” He added before taking a drink of his sweet tea.
He was quite as Peter began talking again. Technically Peter was also an adult but he knew better than to try and argue that point with the redhead. Sometime things were just better left unsaid. But more time than not those things were the first things brought up in an argument sometime down the road. “Excuse me?” Scout raised a brow as Peter talked about him and how he was more than likely not dealing with music anymore. “I still play, and I guarantee I’m better than you are, sunshine.” He said with a laugh, sticking his tongue out.
Peter wrinkled his nose at distaste of the conversation. “James was amazing, so shut up, and secondly, I don’t even recall that last one. I think you’re making that up.” He smiled softly after laughing, understanding that he was teasing, though the issue still didn’t settle well with him. It made him extremely uncomfortable. The way he made Peter sound.. it was just weird. “I just live my life by having fun. No one can stop me. There’s no crime against that.”
Peter just awkwardly shifted as Scout got all playfully defensive about his music. It was a relief, honestly. He was glad that Scout was still doing his music thing. That was great to hear, honestly. “Okay, well jeeze. I’m not.. claiming to be amazing. It’s just money for.. uhm..” Well he couldn’t entirely just admit to being a drug addict. “Stuff… like uh.. a place to stay sometimes.” How could he just admit to being homeless in front of his ex? This was such an awful idea.
The last song? Um… Hollywood by Marina and the Diamonds. It sounds kind of awkward on a guitar, but barely anyone knows the song so it doesn’t matter. I haven’t played it publicly yet.
My life was going too fast and I realized college was for boring adults, and I am not either one of those descriptions.